There are a lot of skills you don’t need.  You can be happy and successful without knowing how to rebuild a car’s engine, program a web application, or replace drywall.  Sure, these are useful skills to have, but they aren’t absolutely necessary.

There are other skills, however, that can’t be avoided – skills that tie into various aspects of everyday life, that are not only useful, but totally indispensable.  For instance, you can’t get far in today’s world without being able to read or write.  And today the ability use a computer proficiently is simply assumed.

In this article we’re going to skip the super basic skills like reading, driving, and using a computer, and discuss twelve slightly more advanced skills that are woefully under-taught, and universally applicable.  Let’s take a look…

1.  Prioritizing and time management. – If success depends on effective action, effective action depends on the ability to focus your attention where it is needed most, when it is needed most.  This is the ability to separate the important from the unimportant, which is a much needed skill in all walks of life, especially where there are ever increasing opportunities and distractions.

• 10 Time Management Tips that Work
• Time management and prioritization lessons from MindTools
• 12 Things Highly Productive People Do Differently
• Book:  Getting Things Done

2.  Keeping a clean, organized space. – Successful people have systems in place to help them find what they need when they need it – they can quickly locate the information required to support their activities.  When you’re disorganized, that extra time spent looking for a phone number, email address or a certain file forces you to drop your focus.  Once it’s gone, it takes a while to get it back – and that’s where the real time is wasted.  Keeping both your living and working spaces organized is crucial.

• Decluttering Articles by Unclutterer
• Top 12 Organizing Tips and Resources
• Four Daily Routines: How I keep my house “clean enough”
• Book:  The Joy of Less

3.  Critical thinking and information analysis. – We are living in the information age where, on a daily basis, we are constantly exposed to an ever growing and rapidly changing pool of information.  Being able to evaluate this information, sort the valuable from the trivial, analyze its relevance and meaning, and relate it to other information is a priceless skill with universal applicability.

• Ten Takeaway Tips for Teaching Critical Thinking
• A Simple Guide to Critical Thinking
• 10 Critical Thinking Traps and Tips
• Book:  Thinking, Fast and Slow

4.  Logical, informed decision making. – Decision making is simply knowing what to do based on the information available.  Being able to respond quickly and effectively with the information you have in your head is essential to accomplishing anything.

• Don’t Overthink It: 5 Tips for Daily Decision-Making
• 13 Ways to Quickly Improve Your Decision-Making
• Geek to Live: Four ways to make a big decision
• Book:  Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions

5.  Using Google proficiently for online research. – You don’t have to know everything, but you should be able to quickly and painlessly find out what you need to know.  Google is a gateway to nearly infinite knowledge; it has indexed websites containing information on just about everything and everyone.  If you’re having trouble finding something using Google, it’s time to learn a few new tricks.

• Google Guide
• Google Advanced Search Operators
• Google Web Search Features
• Book:  Google Hacks

6. Basic accounting and money management. – It’s a simple fact that our modern society is governed by the constant exchange of money.  Money allows you to maintain a roof over your head and put food on the table each night.  Knowing how to properly manage your money – tracking and recording your expenses and income, saving and investing – is not only an important skill for thriving, it’s an important skill that helps you survive.

• 10 Steps to Making a Financial Budget
• How To Make a Budget that Works
• Quick MBA – Financial Accounting 101
• Book:  The Total Money Makeover

7. Effective communication and negotiating. – Give the people in your life the information they need rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours.  Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationship, start with bad communication.  Speak honestly, and then give others a voice and show them that their words matter.  And remember that compromise and effective negotiating are vital parts of effective communication.

• 9 Steps to Better Communication Today
• Win-Win Negotiation – Finding a fair compromise.
• Active Listening – Hear what people are really saying.
• Book: People Skills

8. Relaxation. – Stress leads to poor health, poor decision-making, poor thinking, and poor socialization.  So be attentive to your stress level and take short breaks when you need to.  Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity, and allow you to reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

• 10 Relaxation Techniques To Reduce Stress On-the-Spot
• Finding the Relaxation Exercises that Work for You
• 37 Stress Management Tips
• Book: Wherever You Go, There You Are

9.  Proficient writing and note-taking. – The written word isn’t going away; it is used in every walk of life.  Learning to write proficiently so that others can understand you is critical.  Also, using your writing skills to take useful notes is one of the most productive things you can do, regardless of the task at hand.  Writing things down – taking notes – helps us remember what we hear, see, or read when we’re learning something new, or trying to remember something specific.

• 34 Writing Tips That Will Make You a Better Writer
• English Grammar 101
• Top 5 Note-Taking Tips
• Book: On Writing Well

10. Relationship networking. – In a world dominated by constant innovation and information exchange, relationship networking creates the channel through which ideas and information flow, and in which new ideas are shared, discussed and perfected.  A large relationship network, carefully cultivated, can be leveraged to meet the right people, find jobs, build businesses, learn about new trends, spread ideas, etc.

• How to Network: 12 Tips for Shy People
• Steps to Easy Relationship Building
• Networking: Start Building Real Relationships
• Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People

11. Positivity. – Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act.  A great attitude always leads to great experiences.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.  Be positive, smile, and make it count.  Pretend today is going to be great.  Do so, and it will be.

• How to Be Optimistic – Focus on the Positive
• 10 Ways Happy People Choose Happiness
• Seven Simple Ways to Be More Positive
• Book: The How of Happiness

12. Self-discipline. – Self-discipline is a skill.  It is the ability to focus and overcome distractions.  It involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment.  It often requires sacrificing the pleasure and thrill for what matters most in life.  Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to succeed in the long-term.

• How to Build Self-Discipline
• Self-Discipline Explained and Explored
• 12 Things Successful People Do Differently
• Book: Unleash the Warrior Within

What did we miss?  What are some other useful life skills that are universally applicable?  Leave a comment below and let everyone know.

Photo by: Zack Schnepf

It’s fairly easy to find a well written book or online article.  But it’s not always easy to find one with genuine value that you connect with.

That’s because, these days, books and online articles are a dime a dozen.  There are literally thousands of them written on the same topic every year.  So deciphering the ‘good’ from the ‘great’ can prove to be quite a challenge.

But if you look hard enough, in the right places, you’ll find a few gems containing life-altering advice that can be immediately implemented and used as an instrument for self-improvement.

For this reason, I’ve compiled the following list of books and online articles containing value so profound that each of them literally changed my life.

I therefore extend my gratitude to the authors and pass them along to you with the simple hope that they will provide value to you as well.

Happy reading…

1. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle – Tolle’s message is clear: living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment.  This book is carefully, thoughtfully and beautifully written.  Not only does it illuminate the fundamental, slippery, destructive patterns of the mind or ego which confound one’s spiritual and even physical well-being, but it also provides a variety of simple and practical techniques for breaking down and dissolving these various forms of mental pollution.  I use Tolle’s calming, contemplative techniques almost every day and they work wonderfully for me.
2. The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck– Pretty much the granddaddy of all self-improvement books, it’s easily one of the best nonfiction works I’ve ever read.  By melding love, science, and spirituality into a primer for personal growth, Peck guides the reader through lessons on delaying gratification, accepting responsibility for decisions, dedicating oneself to truth and reality, and creating a balanced lifestyle.
3. “Find what you love.” – 2005 Stanford Commencement Address by Steve Jobs – In his 2005 Stanford University commencement address Steve Jobs discussed three personal stories from his life.  The advice he delivered was clear: find what you love, trust in your instincts, and follow your heart.  Before reading Jobs’ speech back in 2005, I was struggling with a job I didn’t love because it was really the only thing I had ever tried.  It was all I knew. Jobs says, “You’ve got to find what you love.” And his article helped me do just that.  I finally realized that I was wasting my life living someone else’s dream.  If I settled for someone else’s dream, I’d grow old and die without ever seeking my own.
4. Getting Things Done by David Allen – The ultimate ‘organize your life’ book.  Allen’s ideas and processes are for all those people who are overwhelmed with too many things to do, too little time to do them, and a general sense of unease that something important is being missed.  The primary goal of this book is to teach you how to effectively get your ‘to-do inbox’ to empty.
5. Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young by Mary Schmich – While the advice here is a bit more inspirational than it is practical, I have always enjoyed this short piece of literature.  In the late 1990’s when I was in high school it became an international phenomenon when it was turned into a slow rock song by Baz Luhrmann (director of the 1996 movie Romeo and Juliet) that jumped to #1 on the U.S. and U.K. pop charts.  The song was played at my high school’s class of 1999 graduation commencement ceremony.  It eventually became famously known as “Wear Sunscreen.”  Details aside, I still re-read it in it’s entirety from time to time when I need a quick dose of inspiration.
6. Don’t Die With Your Music Still In You by Steve Pavlina– Above all, this short read taught me that “to abandon a comfortable lifestyle that isn’t deeply fulfilling is to abandon nothing at all.”  It helped me understand that I was defending a comfortable, unfulfilling career without good reason.  At the start of each workday, I was reluctant to get out of bed.  At the end of each workday, the amount of satisfaction I received from the work I was doing was insignificant.  Which in turn caused me to ask myself: Why should I stay loyal to such a meaningless job?  So I switched it up and never looked back.
7. Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath – A super great psychology book about real, concrete ways to make lasting change in both your personal and professional life.  So many powerful insights, based on fact not theory.  Inspiring counter-intuitive stories of huge organizational change against all odds.  As they explain in the first chapter, “All successful changes share a common pattern.”  I highly recommended this read for everyone.
8. The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason – The best book on money management ever written.  Although only 145 pages, this book is packed to the brim with powerful, life changing information.  I’ve read it three times and I still pull new pearls of wisdom out of it.  Babylon should be mandatory reading beginning at the grade school level, then again in college, and should be given as a gift right along with a college diploma.
9. How To Become A Millionaire In Three Years by Jason L. Baptiste – Every once in a while I come across an online article I wish I had read ten years ago.  This is one of them.  It contains timeless advice on making money by building something of your own.  Every wannabe entrepreneur should print this out, hang it on their refrigerator, and read it every morning.  That’s what I did with it.
10. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – Easily one of the best and most popular books on people-skills ever written. Carnegie uses his adept storytelling skills to illustrate how to be successful by making the most of human relations.
11. How to Find What You Love to Do by Brian Kim – For me, this short read was a wake-up call.  It’s basically a how-to guide based on the ideas Steve Jobs presented in his 2005 commencement address.  Kim emphasizes the importance of self-assessment and made me take a long hard look at myself to figure out what it is that makes me happy.  What’s more, his article discusses how uncertainty and fear are the most common obstacles preventing people from doing what they love to do.  His solution involves self-analysis: identify your skills and interests, then use your strengths to live your passion.  In Kim’s words, “conquer indecision and ACT, and you will most definitely conquer all fear.”
12. The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz – This is another classic self-improvement book.  Schwartz gives the reader useful, proactive steps for achieving success.  He presents a clear-cut program for getting the most out of your job, marriage, family life, and other relationships.  In doing so, he proves that you don’t need to be an intellectual or have innate talent to attain great success and satisfaction in life.
13. Everything You Wanted to Know About Simplifying Your Life by Leo Babauta – This compilation of online articles has truly helped me simplify my life.  Together, they cover everything from appreciating simple pleasures to decluttering your work space.  These articles are about creating a simple life for yourself, which means getting rid of many of the things you do so you can spend time with people you love and do the things you love and value.  If you’re looking to simplify your life, look no further.
14. Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi – Ferrazzi explains the guiding principles he has mastered over a lifetime of personal and professional networking and describes what it takes to build the kind of lasting, mutually beneficial relationships that lead to professional and personal success.  Most of this book is fantastic – you learn how to relate to people, how to establish contacts and maintain connections, and how to create a social network.  If you interact with a lot of people on a regular basis, it’s a great read.
15. The Most Important Blog Post You’ll Probably Never Read by Glen AllSopp – If you’re even slightly interested in making money online as a blogger, website owner, etc., then this article is for you.  It provides a short, insightful, bullsh**t free look at how to do just that.  It really opened my eyes to perspectives on success that I wasn’t seeing clearly beforehand.
16. Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? by Seth Godin – A linchpin, as Seth describes it, is somebody in an organization who is indispensable, who cannot be replaced—her role is just far too unique and valuable.  And then he goes on to say, well, seriously folks, you need to be one of these people, you really do.  To not be one is economic and career suicide.  It is a book that reveals the truth about working for a boss, fitting in and following the rules.  The only way to create a good life for yourself is to become indispensable and stand out.
17. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – More parable than novel, “The Alchemist” uses the story of young shepherd Santiago’s search for his personal legend as an allegory for everyman’s struggle to break from the comfortable confines of conformity and pursue his life dreams.  Along the way, of course, our young everyman is beset by numerous setbacks, testing his resolve and forcing him to become attuned to the Soul of the World in order to survive.  By paying attention to the details in the world around him, which serve as omens guiding him towards his goal, young Santiago becomes an alchemist in his own right, spinning unfavorable circumstances into riches.  I’ve read this tale a few times now, and it always provides priceless inspiration.
18. 18 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 18 by me – I know what you’re thinking.  How did an article I personally wrote change my life?  Well, it’s all about the soul searching that went into writing it.  I had to dig deep within myself and seriously contemplate all the important lessons I’ve learned over the last ten years.  In doing so, I noticed a few things that were out of place in my life, and I adjusted them.  I can already directly attribute a few of my recent successes to the actions I took after I wrote this article.

Can you think of a book or online article that changed your life?  Please share it with us in the comments.

This article was co-written by Marc and Angel and Shaun Boyd.
Photo by: Éole

There are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that you have to understand before you can awaken to a simpler, happier life.

Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is.  We attach our happiness to achievement and then look for it in all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places.

Of course, you don’t have to live like this.  If you feel like you are, it’s time to simplify things.  It’s time to clear the air and get back to the basics.

Simplifying your pursuit of happiness is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a difference and mean the most to you.

Here are eight ways to do just that:

1.  Lose yourself in something that moves you.

To truly flourish in life you have to let go a little, lose yourself in the moment and become fused with other people, experiences, and tasks.

This happens sometimes when you are engrossed in a challenge, or when the artist inside you becomes one with the creative task at hand.  It happens sometimes while you’re playing sports, or listening to music, or lost in a good book, or when you feel completely enveloped by another’s love.  And it happens most when you emotionally connect with someone who shares your visions.

In other words, long-term happiness isn’t just about conscious achievement; it’s also about the unconscious part of your mind naturally intertwining with the ideas, passions, work, people, songs, and stories that move you.  Read The How of Happiness.

2.  Know what you want and commit to it.

The words ‘aware’ and ‘commit’ are so powerful.  It’s amazing what you can do once you’re aware of what you want and you commit to doing it.  If you can honestly say that you are fully aware of your desires and what they entail, and that you are devoted to doing what it takes, you are already in a high spirited state of mind.

Being aware and committed means you are informed – alert, knowledgeable, prepared – and you have the mindset to visualize, strategize, focus, and achieve.

The more aware you are of life and its difficulties, and the more committed you are about how you handle both good and bad situations, the less stressful life will be in the long-run.

3.  Guard yourself against dream crushers.

Stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they’re the people who are supposed to support you – parents, siblings, friends, etc.

If you’re passionate about something out in the world that you want to explore – an interest that’s a little different than the norm – something that makes you a bit EXTRA-ordinary, you’ll never get there if you listen to people who keep telling you you’re not extraordinary.  Instead, you’ll likely settle into the comfortable, ordinary role they expect of you.  And that’s not likely a happy place for you.

4.  Find the right day job.

Lack of passion is fatal.  Happiness is spending your life in your own way.  This is especially true when it comes to lifelong work.

Your day job should be the place where your interests meet the world’s needs.

If you want to pursue happiness through your work, don’t look at a list of popular trades, pick one at random and dedicate your time to learning it.  Rather, find something that truly interests you… like writing, and indulge your mind in the infinite possibilities of fusing your thoughts with the written word.  Or maybe for you it’s boating, in which case pursue a position in the maritime industry and allow yourself to long for the endless immensity of the sea.  Or…

You get the idea.  When you appreciate what you do for a living, happiness and success tag along.  Read The 4-Hour Workweek.

5.  Focus on the way you want to feel.

You will begin to become happier and more successful the minute you decide to be.

Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have.  Generating these feelings is the most powerfully creative thing you can do with your life.

Your thoughts create your reality: A positive context leads to positive actions, thoughts, and feelings, which gradually lead to positive results.  This mindset is the magic ingredient that helps you persevere in the face of challenges, setbacks, pain, and even personal injury.

6.  Maintain a flexible, constructive perspective.

Forget all the reasons it won’t work and figure out the one good reason it will.  It’s possible that you won’t get the exact results you had anticipated, but that’s OK – it’s still progress as long as you learn from the results you do get.  And perhaps with your newfound understanding you’ll discover a way to achieve even better results than you had originally thought possible.

Your choice of perspective has the power to build or demolish.  Your mind has the uninhibited ability to take any experience and create a meaning that deprives you or one that can literally make you jump for joy.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.

7.  Drop the comparisons.

Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply understanding that you’re OK just the way you are.  Don’t let the silly little dramas and dilemmas of each day get you down.  There is no reason for you to feel sorry for yourself, and there is no point in acting in such a way that others feel sorry for you.

Forget about where others are in their lives.  You aren’t competing against them; you are supposed to be right where you are.  Every life is unique.  You were born to do things that have never been done, to understand things that have never been understood. And you’re doing it.  The aches and pains you feel are the side effects of personal growth.

How would your life be different if you stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about your life and how you think it should be?  Let today be the day you look at the positive aspects of this journey that is uniquely yours.

8.  Help others smile.

In your pursuit of happiness – as unique as it may be to your own specific needs – don’t forget that you’re a member of a world that is far greater than yourself.

There are simple things you can do daily to lift the human spirits around you – things that are effortless and free and related to your pursuit.  And best of all, happiness begets happiness; when you do these things to help others, you don’t just lift their spirits, you lift your own as well.

Photo by: Raymond Larose

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.  You will never truly live if you are forever looking for the meaning of life.”
?Albert Camus

Today, as I was walking to a coffee shop in downtown Austin, a school bus stopped in front of me and a little kid waved at me frantically through the bus window.  I laughed and waved back.  There was instantly a look of surprise and then extreme happiness on the kid’s face just because I waved back to him.  This reminded me of how, as children, we need very little to make us happy.

As adults we somehow grow into the belief that we need everything to be a certain way in order to find and appreciate moments of happiness.  But the truth is, to be happy we need much less than we think we need.  In fact, I believe one of the best feelings comes when you realize that you can be perfectly OK and happy without the things you once thought you needed.  And that’s precisely what this short article is about – the things you do NOT need to be happy:

1.  Ideal circumstances.

The happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather with a certain set of attitudes.  Choosing to be positive and grateful for what you have now is going to determine how you’re going to live the rest of your life.  So look for something positive about today.  Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.

Ultimately, your greatest achievements are moments in time when what you’re doing allows you to see how wonderful your life already is.

2.  Everyone’s approval.

The biggest prison you will likely ever live in is your fear of what other people think.

You cannot let other people tell you who you are or what you want.  You have to decide that for yourself.  When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you.  Don’t let others make you feel guilty for living your life.  It’s YOUR life.  As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, live it YOUR way.

Fulfillment and success in life lie in your ability to use your entire mind to achieve your goals, dreams and desires.  Take sufficient time to spend with yourself, without external interference.  You’re worth it.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  A perfect past.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your present and future.  Let go, forgive and move forward.  Just because the past didn’t turn out like you had hoped, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you had envisioned.  In fact, we often grow stronger in the places we were once broken.  Because it’s not until you’re broken for a while that you truly learn what you’re made of on the inside.  And this insight gives you the ability to rebuild yourself, stronger than ever before.

Most of the time the only difference between long-term happiness and long-term despair is not quitting on yourself.  As long as you are breathing it’s never too late.  Today is a new beginning.

4.  Full control of life’s constant changes.

Life is constantly changing and we’re changing with it.  We’re not the same person we were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  Life’s cycle doesn’t stop.  Change is what it’s all about.  But every ending is the beginning of something else.  Every exit is an entry somewhere else.  Live, learn, and let go.  Don’t hold yourself down with the changes you can’t control.

Although some forces are out of your control, you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether you’re happy or not depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  The best thing you can do is to let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy in the things you can.  Live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, breathe deeply, do your best, and leave the rest to the powers above you.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

5.  A carefree, stress-free life.

Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  Don’t wait until everything is just right; it will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what!  Get started now!  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more skilled, more confident, and more successful.

Say it:  “I am determined to live a happy life no matter my challenges!  I will turn all my tales of fury into tales of glory!  I will turn all of my tales of woe into tales of WOW!”  And no matter what happens, just do your best and appreciate what you’re learning.  You won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges.

6.  All the things you don’t have.

You are right here, right now, with what you have, breathing.  Enjoy it.  You’ve got nothing to do today except to smile.

Happiness is valuing what you have, and enjoying the people, places, objects and events in your life for what they are.  It’s not about changing and achieving all the time; sometimes it’s about being and appreciating.  And you can nearly always enjoy the things you have and the events happening around you if you make up your mind firmly that you will.

7.  A mountain of money.

If we counted our blessings more often, instead of our money, we would be a lot richer.  Keep money on your mind but out of your heart.  Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life for yourself.  Cultivate your spiritual growth.  The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

• Happiness formula = Do your best and appreciate what you have.
• Unhappiness formula = Compare yourself to others and the things they have.

It’s nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s also important to make sure you haven’t lost track of the things that money can’t buy.  You don’t need a lot of money to lead a rich life.  Good friends and a loving family are worth their weight in gold.  It really is the little things that mean the most… like a long hug at just the right time.  (Read The Happiness Project.)

8.  Any event happening in another time and place.

Make your time count.  Do not wish your moments away.  Do not ruin today by focusing on another time and place.  There is only now; realize how rich you are in it.

Right now you are creating history – your legacy.  Don’t let life slip by without being aware of it.  Life works in a strange way:  You want something and you work and wait and work and wait, and you feel like it’s taking forever to come.  Then it happens and it’s over and all you want to do is relive all the great memories you made along the way.

Happiness is the journey.  Open your eyes.  Don’t miss it.

9.  Constant happiness.

The bottom line is that you can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes.  Life is not always perfect, and the utopian world of constant happiness in not natural, nor should you expect it.

In the short-term, your mood will fluctuate, but it is your ability to realize and deal with these fluctuations that allows you to maintain long-term happiness.  Any fool can be happy when times are good.  It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make most people weep.  But it is possible.

Live every day of your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and the negatives, and all the moods present between the various extremes.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well-rounded, seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness.

Next steps…

Choose happiness today by taking life moment by moment, complaining very little, and being thankful for the little things that mean a lot.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What do we sometimes forget we do NOT need to be happy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Dustin McClure

Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.

Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself.  And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking.  Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself.  I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it.

I’m sure you can relate.  We’ve all been there.  We all have bad days and moments of self-doubt.

Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re just “not good enough.”  Angel and I hear about this kind of self-defeating mindset from our coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) on a daily basis, and like I said, we aren’t immune either.

So what can we do about it?

Here’s how I handle it: Every time I catch myself thinking I’m not good enough, I immediately write down an opposing thought that debunks my negativity.  I’ve been doing this for the past several years and it’s made a tremendous difference in my life.  I challenge you to do the same.

If you need a little extra inspiration, here are some things I’ve come up with – 20 good reminders when you’re feeling “not good enough”:

1. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. – YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.   Forget what everyone else is doing and achieving.  Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.
2. Where you are right now is a necessary step. – Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be or want to be.  But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
3. Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually. – When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Pain is part of growing.  Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
4. It is your resistance to “what is” that causes your suffering. – Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.”  “What is” is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be.  The rest is just you, arguing with life.  Think about that for a minute.  This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are.  You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.  In your response is your power.  (Read The Power of Now.)
5. Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace. – Choose to be miserable and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be miserable.  Choose to be peaceful and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be at peace.  Think about it.  Are you skilled at making yourself miserable?  With those same skills you can make yourself motivated, effective and fulfilled.  Do so.
6. You are always good enough to try, and that’s what’s important in the end. – Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt.  Make the attempt.  Trust me, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do.  Give yourself a chance.
7. There’s always something small you can do. – There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from moving forward, one tiny step at a time.  Remember, vision without action is just a daydream; vision must be combined with venture.  It is not enough to stare up the steps, you must step up the stairs.  And all you have to do is take one step at a time.  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.  Tiptoe if you must, but take that step.
8. Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. – No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence.  Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.
9. Yesterday’s impossibilities may be possible today. – Experience is the hardest kind of teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson afterward.  But this is really a blessing.  It means you’re growing stronger and more capable with every passing day.  So don’t you dare give up on today because of the way things looked yesterday.  Don’t even think about it.
10. What “might happen” can only stop you if you let it. – Rather than worrying about what might happen, move forward and use your energy and intelligence to deal with what does actually happen.
11. The quality of your vision drives the quality of your life. – It’s up to you how you visualize things and what you focus on.  Forget what you don’t like.  Focus on what excites you.  If you see a possibility, explore it.  If you have a dream, live it.  Those who are passionate and excited about what they’re doing have an advantage that is nearly impossible to conquer.  Be one of these people.  (Read Mindset.)
12. You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first. – Stop listening to what the world says you should want.  Start listening to who you are.  Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.
13. What you’re capable of achieving is greatly based on how much you want it. – When it means enough to you, then you can do it.  When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time.  Success is neither magical nor mysterious.  Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want.  The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding.
14. Your best bet is to give yourself no other choice. – It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.  In fact, achievement consists mostly of giving yourself no other choice.  You are more than good enough; you just have to own it – you have to own everything you are and everything you’re up against.  If you believe your troubles are too powerful, then you’ll never allow yourself to rise above them.  Stop fretting.  Quit worrying.  Don’t complain.  You know what you must do.  So do it.
15. You have to work hard on yourself too. – Self-respect, self-love, self-worth… there’s a reason they all start with “self.”  You can’t receive them from anyone else.  Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself.  Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends.  It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value.  And this responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you; it means learning to use your own brains and intuition to make things happen – hence, grappling with hard work.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
16. You are stronger than whatever is troubling you. – Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before.  When something bad happens, you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you.  The choice is yours.  So pump yourself up!  You are a lot stronger than you think you are.  You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come.  Celebrate the fact that you’re not where you used to be.
17. For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else. – Appreciate what you have today.  Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.  No regrets, just lessons.  No worries, just acceptance.  No expectations, just gratitude.  Life is too short.  The story of your life has many chapters.  One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end.  So stop re-reading the bad one already, and turn the page.
18. You have made the best of some tough situations. – Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy with everything.  Sometimes it just means you’re strong and smart enough to accept it and make the best of it.
19. Your scars are symbols of your strength. – Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph.  So don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
20. You are still here trying. – If you have no other testimony right now, you have this one: “I’m still here trying.”  Be positive, patient and persistent.  The more you feel like quitting, the more there is to be gained by continuing to do all three.  Because the strongest people aren’t the people who always win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.

Afterthoughts

The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.  These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom.  People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.

And you’re getting there.

The floor is yours…

So, which of the points in this post do you resonate with the most?  What makes you feel “not good enough?”  How have you coped with this negativity?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

Photo by: Sander van der Wel